Giving In
by Terri16
Summary: As one person gives in, another breaks down.
1. Giving In

**Title:** Giving In

**Author:** Terri

**Rating:** T

**Summary:** "Let me go Jack."

**Spoilers/Warnings:** Character death, massive spoilers for Do No Arms.

**Disclaimer:** Anything that is recognisable does not belong to me.

**Author's Note:** This is one of my first Lost Fics, also being from the UK the last episode I saw before writing this was Solitary; as a result this is based on what I've heard. I stumbled across Boone's last words and it spilled out from there. All reviews welcomed.

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He was dying. He wasn't sure how he knew, but the fact remained the same. His heart was slowing, his breathing deteriorating. Even as Jack worked diligently to save him, he could feel the bleeding inside, knew it meant his death. He wondered manically if Shannon felt like this when she had a nasty attack. If, through half opened eyes she experienced a sort of drug-induced delirium.

He'd ask her when he next saw her, whenever that may be.

Shannon had been spending more and more time with the other people on the Island, especially Sayid. Boone had compensated by befriending Locke, hunting to pass the time. Trying in vain to get her off his mind. Yet he couldn't stop her from haunting his dreams.

Lately it wasn't even about being in love with her, it was simply about needing to be near her again. To have his sister tease him about some stupid thing he'd done. He couldn't remember the last time he held her hand as she struggled to breathe. Didn't know when they'd last slept in their makeshift shelter together.

He missed her. Ironic really to say he had wanted to get away from her, it had been him who had distanced himself in an attempt to stop wanting what he could not have. Boone hadn't realised how much of him had craved the sibling bond the two of them shared. It broke him to realise that Shannon didn't miss him.

Boone wasn't stupid; he had seen the way that she looked at Sayid. On the rare occasion that they had been in the same place at the same time, he'd studied the way the two of them acted around each other. He's never seen Shannon act so in love before. And each time he saw the two of them together, he realised that he had been replaced. The knowledge was enough to shorten his visits to the camp.

A sharp pain exploded through his entire body and he tried to scream. It took longer than was comfortable for the pain to subside, then he went numb. Jack still hovered over him, doing something Boone couldn't quite see. The words were out of his mouth before he could think about them.

"Let me go Jack."

Despite not realising what he was saying until it'd been said, there was no surprise in his voice or on his features. He rationalised that he wasn't needed anymore, Locke knew how to hunt, could probably do it better on his own, without him slowing him down. He had a moment of worry for Shannon – who was going to watch out for her? Talk her calmly through her asthma attacks and wipe the tears that followed out of her eyes? He needed to be there to do that. Then he remembered Sayid. Shannon had Sayid now.

While Jack was still debating Boone's words, trying to determine whether or not he was delirious with the loss of blood and lack of air, Boone stopped fighting. He managed a mumbled "don't be" to Jack's broken apology, took one last breath and succumbed to the darkness that had been calling him. The last thing he saw was Shannon's face, carefree and happy.

He wasn't going to be missed.


	2. Breaking Down

**Title: **Breaking Down

**Author: **Terri

**Rating: **T

**Summary: **Shannon holds on to the one thing that mattered.

**Spoilers/Warnings: **Character death, major spoilers for Do No Harm.

**Author's Note: **This could be seen as a stand alone, as well as a follow up to 'Giving Up'. Either way, I've posted it as the second chapter because it's easier. There's some deliberate things in both chapters that I've added to show what Boone/Shannon are thinking, but which isn't necessarily the truth. For example Boone thinking he had been replaced. This whole thing was written in about an hour, after reading a story at Lost-Forum, which dealt with Boone's death through Claire's eyes. I've re-read it and altered it, deleted and re-written. Finally deemed it halfway decent enough to be posted for public viewing and posted it here before I changed my mind. Feedback would be welcomed, and don't forget I haven't seen this episode yet. Also, the ending (what Claire tells Shannon) is highly clichéd and has probably been done before, but I needed to include it to complete the Fic. While I remember, I know that emeralds are green and not blue, but green blue was just to bland a description. (It'll make sense once you've read it.)

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"Oh God…please no…God no, please." Sobs broke her words, causing her to splutter out a disjointed sentence. Her breath was catching in her throat, her voice was hitched and she thought she was dying. She hoped she was. Leaning forward, burying her face into the chest of the body beneath her, Shannon wailed long and hard. It was the kind of desperate crying that all children do, but adults can't let go enough to achieve.

Her hair was in her eyes; blonde locks sticking to her face, mingling with her tears. He was dead, and she wasn't. The whole concept of being heartbroken was foreign to her, something she had always believed to be exaggerated. If there was any piece of her heart still left, she thought wryly, it would be a miracle. She had never felt so completely alone and empty. There was nothing anymore.

His face was pale, absurdly so considering the amount of sun he'd been subjected to lately. All shades of red covered his perfect features, trying to hide them. She laid one hand against his cheek and broke at his fading warmth.

"Wake up Boone, please wake up." He was sleeping, he had to be. There was no way he would do this to her. He wouldn't leave her like this; so alone on some spit of land in the middle of fuck knows where. "Oh God wake up!" Her voice had never sounded so desperate, so weak.

She never saw his beautiful emerald blue eyes though, his eyelids remained closed, his whole body still. The tears scalded her cheeks as they fell white hot against her skin. She couldn't do this; she couldn't be here without him. He was everything to her and she had blown him off time and again. She was so fucking selfish, always thinking of herself, putting everyone before him.

Someone spoke softly behind her, placed a hand upon her shoulder. There was a gentle tug and then she moved backwards. It took a second before she realised that she was being pulled away from him. Violently, more so than she had intended, she tore away from the touch, collapsing back onto Boone's body. Her hands tightened in his shirt and her whole body clung to him.

"Shannon you must leave, this cannot be good for you."

"No," her head shook furiously, "I am not leaving him, not again." _Look what happened the last time I did, _were her unspoken words. She had left him and he had **died.** Boone hadn't just been injured or lost he was dead. Gone. And it hit her all over again.

Her brother, the person who had looked after her through everything she had dragged him into, was never going to look at her again. She would never be able to hear him say something to her, watch him try to catch her some food or throw some sarcastic remark at him. There'd be no more 'thank-god-you're-alive' hugs and tears after she had an attack, because he wasn't alive to give them too her.

Panic settled over her then. What was she going to do the next time she had an attack? Without Boone there to hold her hand, guide her through it, how was she meant to survive? It had been so long since her asthma had caused her to lose her breath, the last time had been before everything between her and Boone had gone so disastrously wrong. It wouldn't be long before her breathing worsened, before she'd need his soothing voice there, his cool hand in hers, strong and steady. And now she didn't have it.

Sayid touched her shoulder again and this time she screamed. The hand left her shoulder abruptly and then came back slowly. She let the scream rip from her throat again, all her anguish, pain and frustration thrown into it, and still his hand stayed, she couldn't even shake him off. He didn't say anything though and she thanked him for that. But more than anything she wanted him to leave. She hated herself enough, without him standing over her, reminding her that she had gone off on some romantic date with him, while her brother had been dying. While she'd been kissing under the stars, Boone had been fighting to stay alive, and everybody had been scrambling to find her.

Surprisingly a baby cried awfully close by and she raised her head shocked. Claire stood where she assumed Sayid had been moments before. Her newborn held protectively in her arms. She threw her a questioning glance, and then turned back to Boone.

"You shouldn't be here." She managed to gasp brokenly, tears still streaming down her face. "Your baby doesn't need to be here."

There were a few seconds of stillness and then she detected Claire lowering herself down beside her. Claire adjusted the baby in her arms, freeing a hand so that she could place it on Shannon's arm. Claire moved her lips, trying to form the words she wanted to say, but her voice caught in her throat. She had never seen someone so broken before.

"I just wanted to tell you," she began her entire being screaming at her to leave, "I named the baby."

Shannon looked at her again then, her look clearly stating that she neither cared nor wanted to know about some baby's name. Especially not when the body of her dead brother was cooling rapidly under her touch.

"His name is Aaron Boone Littleton." She paused a second, her gaze flittering to her now sleeping baby. "I hope you don't mind." And with that she turned and left, smiling softly at the blonde haired smooth talker that had deemed himself her guardian. Sawyer glanced back at Sticks, watched her fall apart and then followed the small girl in front of him.

Shannon felt the fresh tears spill over her eyes at Claire's words. She buried her face once again in her brother's chest and she thought for a crazy second that she heard his voice.

"You have to take life to give life Shan, isn't that what we always believed." He whispered, "Love you." And then there was silence, punctuated only by her sobs.

"I love you too Boone." And for the first time in her life she realised how much she meant her words. Her breakdown was complete.


	3. Meeting Up

**Title:** Meeting Up

**Author:** Terri

**Rating:** T

**Summary:** They were lost, now they are found.

**Spoilers/Warnings:** Character death, major spoilers for season 2.

**Author's Note:** This can be a stand alone, but I added it on here because it flows and fits. Just so that everyone knows here in the UK we have Exodus part I and II left to air of the first season, so I haven't seen full episodes of the second season and probably won't do for a while. I have read spoilers and watched a few clips courtesy of some amazing websites. Also, this is not necessarily a shipper fic, at least I didn't intend it to be, I just wanted to convey a brother/sister relationship. I hope you all enjoy it and any feedback would be welcomed (especially in the form of well done presents, such as pictures of the beautiful Josh Holloway, it will be all I have of Lost to keep me sane in the next few months!).

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The pain is fleeting; there is an intense burst of it and then nothing. A loud bang is reverberating in her head, something tells her that it is important, but she cannot understand why. To her it is just a noise. She realises then that it is the only noise and that everywhere else is silent. Deathly quiet. There is stillness in the air too, it tells her that no one is here, that she is alone.

It strikes her that there should be people here, that there were people here. Distantly she sees the face of a woman she does not know, her arm is outstretched, but Shannon's gaze cannot extend to the woman's hand. She knows there is something in it though, grasped tightly and pointed – at her she thinks but is not certain. The image is slipping from her mind and she lets it, unable to figure out what is going on. A soft fingertip-like brush down her arm causes her to jerk and suddenly Sayid is there and he's crying. Shannon tries to reach out to him, but as she stretches her arm in his direction he moves further away. As she takes a step forward he disappears completely.

Confused and scared she spins on her heels, arms spread wide like a child and she screams.

"Hello? Help me!"

She does not receive an answer. Dizziness begins to set in and she stops abruptly, letting herself drop to the floor in the process. Sitting cross-legged on what should be a wet floor – but does not feel like anything – she breathes deeply and allows a few tears of desperation to fall. When she sees that her fingers are running through shining blades of grass, her brain notices that she cannot feel them. Her fingers should feel cold with the water and there should be a slight tickling sensation from the grass. There is nothing.

Her breath hitches in her throat and the thought that she is dead flashes in her head. Panic sets in then, herairways close up and she cannot breathe. Shannon curls her fingers around the grass painfully, trying to gulp enough air into her body. The panic only heightens her inability to do so and the lack of oxygen gets worse. If she wasn't dead before she most certainly will be after this.

Screwing her eyes shut in an attempt to concentrate she does not see the figure appear from nowhere. They lay a hand on her arm and she does not feel them, only when she realises that her hand is now grasping onto another's does she open her eyes. It takes her a moment to comprehend what she is seeing, and the pieces only fall into place when she hears his voice.

"Breathe Shan, breathe. Just like Jack told you, come on, you can do it. Breathe."

Unable to talk, she does as he says, her eyes wide with surprise and confusion. She focuses completely on the sound of her own breathing, tries to coax it back to a regular rhythm. After a minute or two it seems to have worked, at least enough so that she can speak.

"Boone?" There is a softness to her voice, as if she is afraid to talk loudly – it is like she is trying not to destroy a dream. A small smile graces Boone's face and still Shannon refuses to believe that it is him. "You're dead Boone. I mean you died…I saw your body. We buried you."

Tears are falling down her face now, although she is still hesitant to allow herself to make sense of what is going on here, her mind rushes through the facts a mile a minute. Boone watches as her eyes fill with disbelief, confusion and something akin to an unwillingness to accept reality. He places his other hand softly on her cheek and smiles sadly.

"I know Shan." He whispers the words, "I'm still dead."

That's when she finally understands what has happened to her. The loud banging noise echoes all around her, and the image of a gun firing from the unknown woman's hand is suddenly there. For a second there is silence, and then the pain starts. Before Sayid can get to her it has stopped and she is no longer there. It is his hands grabbing her, trying to pull her back to him, but she is nothing but an observer. The image fades almost as quickly as it appeared, and all she can see is Boone.

"I'm dead." Realisation and then, "oh God, I'm dead. She shot me." Sobs wrack her body and she falls into him. Shannon wraps her arms around him, clinging to him – she's dead but Boone is here, and she can't quite figure out how she should be feeling. The sobs continue and unrecognisable emotions overwhelm her. Boone sits down on the ground, pulling Shannon into the circle of his arms; he rocks her and runs his hands through her hair, soothing her.

"Shhh, it's ok. It's alright." The words are monotonous, a mantra repeated in an effort to create an illusion. Shannon hangs onto them anyway, reverently wanting to believe him.

Her tears slow and her sobs quiet, her hands are fist and they are grasping Boone's top, pulling herself closer to him and pushing him closer to her simultaneously. As she comes back to the here and now, Boone's body beneath her cheek becomes solid. For a second she feels nothing and then there is an enormous sense of relief. She has never felt so happy in all her life. Boone had died, left her with nothing but regrets and unspoken words of love. Yet now, here he was, and here she was. Right where she belonged.

"I've missed you." Her voice wavers, almost breaking. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for everything. I love you Boone, please don't leave me again." It's all the things she had told him in the hours after his death – when she'd refused to move (or be moved) from his side. Then she had gotten nothing but emptiness in return.

"I love you too Shan." And his words are her forgiveness and his. They have all the time in the world to argue and bicker – but there will always be time for 'sorry' and 'I love you'. Neither of them is going anywhere soon. Shannon thinks that Heaven is better than she ever hoped it could be.


End file.
